_______ _ |__ __| | August 17, 2000 | | | |__ ___ Thursday | | | '_ \ / _ \ .-. _ ______ | | | | | | __/ ____ ( `. .' ) | ____| |_| |_| |_|\___| | _ \ `\ ` .' | |__ _ _ _ __ _ __ _ _ | |_) | ___ _ __ ___ | | | __| | | | '_ \| '_ \| | | | | _ < / _ \| '_ \ / _ \ | | | | | |_| | | | | | | | |_| | | |_) | (_) | | | | __/ | 66|_ |_| \__,_|_| |_|_| |_|\__, | |____/ \___/|_| |_|\___| | ,__) __/ | |(,_| |___/ ISSN: 1527-6163 | | | \_, T H E S U N D A Y F U N N I E S | | | | F R I D A Y E D I T I O N .' \ ( , ) You're subscribed to The Funny Bone's Sunday Funnies. '--' '-' A once or twice a week mailing of ASCII art illustrated jokes. Sometimes a bit risque but always funny. See the end of this message for instructions on how to unsubscribe. For more humor visit http://www.funnybone.com/subscribe/ _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) .-------------------. Having a Bad Day? /--"--.------.------/| |Kodak|__Ll__| [==] || When you THINK you have a bad day, | | .--. | """" || remember this one... I was taking | |( () )| || a shower when my 2-year-old son jgs | | `--' | |/ came into the bathroom and wrapped `-----'------'------' himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so well that I had copies made and included one with each of our Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically and suggesting I take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I had captured my reflection in the mirror --- wearing nothing but a camera! If you enjoyed this joke PLEASE recommend it to a friend. _ http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) _ Many people are not familiar with great _~(_) champion skier, Picabo Street. That is / / /\ her real name (pronounced "Peek-a-boo") / `\\ | Truly, that is the pronunciation. Skiing \\// | enthusiasts do know her and her international \\\ reputation is well deserved, having won races jgs \\\ throughout the world and in all competitions. Yet, like most skiers, she has had her share of injuries, some minor, others, unfortunately, major and even life- threatening. Once, during a competition in Vermont, Picabo Street suffered a serious injury in the Giant Slalom. Not only was her career in danger, but her life was also. The injuries were repaired but Ms. Street did have to spend some time in Intensive Care. When she recovered, she was incredibly grateful for the sophisticated and loving care the doctors and, in fact, the entire hospital staff had given her. Not only had they saved her life, but she soon returned to competitive skiing. As she was again winning competitions and making lots of money, Picabo Street decided to make a donation to the hospital and the staff that had saved her life and career. She donated a million dollars to be used at the discretion of the hospital directors. The directors thought that the hospital's Intensive Care Unit needed to be replaced, so they used the generous donation to finance a new unit. And, of course, that unit is now called ... Picabo I. C. U. _ http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) _ xxxx _ Who was Jesus? /_;-.__ / _\ _.-;_\ `-._`'`_/'`.-' THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS JEWISH `\ /` He went into his father's business. | / He lived at home until he was 33. /-.( He was sure his Mother was a virgin, and his \_._\ Mother was sure he was God. \ \`; > |/ THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS IRISH / // He never got married. |// He was always telling stories. jgs \(\ He loved green pastures. `` THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS PUERTO RICAN His first name was Jesus. He was bilingual. He was always being harassed by the authorities. THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS ITALIAN He talked with his hands. He had wine with every meal. He worked in the building trades. THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS BLACK He called everybody "brother." He liked Gospel. He couldn't get a fair trial. THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS A CALIFORNIAN He never cut his hair. He walked around barefoot. He started a new religion. THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS A WOMAN He had to feed a crowd, at a moments notice, when there was no food. He kept trying to get the message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it. Even when he was dead, he had to get up because there was more work to do. _ http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) _______ Joshua and Jericho / /_ / -/- / / The new pastor decided to visit the / / / / children's Sunday School. The teacher /_______/ / introduced him and said, "Pastor, this jgs ((______| / morning we're studying Joshua." `"""""""` "That's wonderful," said the new Pastor, "let's see what you're learning. Who tore down the walls of Jericho?" Little Billy shyly raised hand and offered, "Pastor, I didn't do it." Taken aback the Pastor asked, "Come on, now, who tore down the walls of Jericho?" Teacher, interrupting, said, "Pastor, Billy's a good boy. If he says he didn't do it, I believe he didn't do it." Flustered, the Pastor went to the Sunday School director and related the story to him. The Director looking worried, explained, "Well, sir, we've had some problems with Billy before. Let me talk to him and see what we can do." Really bothered now, by the answers of the teacher and the director, the new Pastor approached the deacons and related the whole story, including the responses of the teacher and the director. A white-haired gentleman thoughtfully stroked his chin and said, "Well, Pastor, I move we just take the money from the general fund to pay for the walls and leave it at that." _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) _ .-. John Nunley - jokemaster@funnybone.com ( `. .' ) `. ` /' To unsubscribe from this mailing list send an e-mail | | message to sunday-funnies-off@mail-list.com and your | | address will automatically be removed. _|66 | (__, | For more humor, visit the Funny Bone Website L_,)| http://www.funnybone.com/subscribe/ | | ,_/ | ASCII Art by Joan Stark | | http://www.ascii-art.com/ | | / '. Copyright (c) 2000 The Funny Bone - All Rights Reserved. ( , ) '-' '--' ASCII Art Copyright (c) 1996-00 - Joan G. Stark please read guidelines for redistribution of ASCII art http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/7373/please.htm