The_Television_Transcript_Project EastEnders Written by: Tony Jordan 25 Dec 1994 British Air Date: Sunday, 25 Dec 1994. This was a Sunday episode: unusual, making it four episodes that week instead of three. This is episode #111a in the second numbering series (after the first 952 episodes). Transcript_of_the_previous_episode_(the_previous Thursday) Synopsis: The Jacksons and Butchers attempt the joint Christmas dinner. The Kapoors spend Christmas together as well. Nellie and the rest of the older set get together for a nice non-traditional Christmas. The Batses save the day. Fun at the Fowlers. Storm and stress in the Vic: Grant relentlessly leans on Sharon to sign divorce papers, she insists they talk. (Will this be Sharon's last day in Walford?) Directed by Jo Johnson. In Britain, a "solicitor" is a lawyer. To "post" something is to mail it. "Boxing Day" is the day after Christmas. "Crisps" are potato chips. "Mincemeat" is minced apples and suet, together with raisins, currants, candied citron, and the like. "Shepherd's pie" is a casserole of ground meat with a crust of mashed potatoes. In Cockney English, to "sod about" means to "screw around." A "punter" is a customer. A "cracker" is a good-looking woman. "Hoy!" means "Hey!"--an attention getting exclamation (usually pronounced "Oy!"). (Note: "eh" is usually pronounced "Ay," like the name of the letter A, especially when at end of a sentence/question. Eh?) Braces {} enclose unclear speech. NAT = NATALIE = NAT KATH = KATHY = KATH CHELLE = MICHELLE = CHELLE 39 scenes. 34 characters: NELLIE, ART, PAULINE, MARTIN, MICHELLE, VICKY, MARK, RUTH, GRANT, SHARON, DEBS, NIGEL, CLARE, ALAN, CAROL, RICKY, JANINE, DAVID, PAT, GITA, SANJAY, SHARAMILA, JULES, BLOSSOM, ETHEL, BIANCA, NATALIE, SONIA, BILLY, ROBBIE, KATHY, IAN, CINDY, and DR. LEGG. Cast_list (cast.htm 3K) Note: After Phil needed brain surgery, Grant had come and waited by his bed and was there alone in the middle of the night when Phil woke up. Then Grant got Phil to say Sharon forced herself on him and he couldn't say no. Now they can be good old brothers again. When I printed this, it took 28 pages. Transcribed via microcassette and copious notes. ------------------------------------------------------------------- [EastEnders Intro with theme music (time: 00:27). Intro theme: Save_music (417kb mp3).] ------------------------------------------------------------------- [Christmas morning. Kids nicely biking in the square. SHARON is looking out her living room window at them. She smiles.] ------------------------------------------------------------------- [The Fowlers' living room. ART, PAULINE, NELLIE, and MARTIN. MARTIN's opening a present. Low music's playing.] NELLIE A very lucky bo-oy. I've never seen so many presents. ART Ha, ha! PAULINE Oh! That reminds me: you haven't had yours yet. [pulls out gift] Here you are--it's from all of us. Merry Christmas. NELLIE Oh! Thank you, both--Ooo! While we're at it! [pulls hers out] For both of you. PAULINE Oh! You shouldn't have. We weren't expecting anything, were we, Arthur? ART No, no, we weren't. NELLIE It's not very much, but, I thought of you the minute I saw it. ART Oh, that's very kind. NELLIE Oh! Very nice. Thank you both, very much. PAULINE Oh! A new iron. ART [subtly wry] How lovely. NELLIE Well, I knew your old one was playin' you up and I thought it'd do you a turn. PAULINE Well, it's very much appreciated, isn't it, Arthur? ART Yeah, very much so--thanks Nellie. PAULINE Thank you. Gee, I wish you'd change your mind, come an' have your Christmas dinner with us. NELLIE No. You'll have a housefull. Besides, it'd be rude after Jules has gone to all that trouble. ART Oh. Left him slaving over a hot stove, have you? NELLIE Well, he hadn't actually started when I left, but I--I know he's got it all under control. PAULINE Well, you're still welcome to change your mind--you could invite Jules as well, eh? ART Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. NELLIE Oh we'll be fine. Maybe we'll call in later for the drink. PAULINE Oh, that'd be nice. NELLIE Yeah. PAULINE Oh, there's the others! [people are coming in the kitchen way] Hello! ART Oh, hello! Merry Christmas! [MICHELLE, VICKY, MARK, and RUTH are arriving, cheerful, nice. Greetings continue.] ------------------------------------------------------------------- [GRANT in the Vic kitchen getting coffee. Then sits and SHARON comes to the door, with a cautious smile.] SHARON Morning? I bought you something. I didn't know what to do. [puts flat, red wrapped, present on table.] GRANT I've got something for you, too. SHARON What's that. GRANT [points to papers] Divorce papers. SHARON Yyyou been going through my things? GRANT [testy/angry] You said you signed them. SHARON I wanted time to read them properly. [heads for hall] GRANT [gets up] You've had 'em for weeks! SHARON I've been busy! I haven't had time. GRANT Yeah, you've got time now. SHARON [standing in hall] I wanna make sure I'm doin' the right thing--I-- I need time to think. GRANT [is now standing in hall, too] What's there to think about? I don't want you as a wife any more. SHARON But I should talk to someone. A solicitor. GRANT You said you posted 'em an' stop sodding about an' sign the forms! SHARON But Grant! It's Christmas Day! GRANT [smugly hands her the papers] Merry Christmas. [pauses and walks away] ------------------------------------------------------------------- [On the street, NIGEL, in a Santa cap, with DEBS and CLARE. NIGEL and CLARE are playing with a radio controlled car.] DEBS So, we going, then, or what? NIGEL Going where? DEBS The Jacksons'? NIGEL Oh, yeah! I thought it'd be fun, you know, Pat'll be there an' we did promise Clare that she could see Janine. CLARE [hopeful] Oh, please! NIGEL Okay? DEBS Oh, well, we'll see how we feel after dinner, eh? NIGEL All right. DEBS [amused at them] What'd you like it then, Clare? NIGEL Yeah--of course she does--it's brilliant, i'n' it? Whoa! DEBS [amused] Nigel! Haven't you forgotten you're meant to be doing something for me? NIGEL What? DEBS Well, the turkey. NIGEL What about it? DEBS Well, you--you promised you'd take the {vicks} out for me. NIGEL Ohhh, right. [hands CLARE the control box] Here y'are. Watch it on the corners--it wobbles a bit. DEBS Oh, and--uh, while you're there, put the stuffing in for me. NIGEL All right. DEBS [amused] [NIGEL goes inside, DEBS comes up to CLARE, who's paused from doing the car.] DEBS You all right, darling? CLARE Yeah. DEBS You wanna go inside watch one of your videos? CLARE In a minute. [amused] Nigel's gonna teach me how to spin a wheelie. DEBS [chuckling] Oh, yeah? CLARE Yeah. It's the best Christmas, isn't it? DEBS Yeah. CLARE Better than last year.. DEBS Yeah. NIGEL [opens the window and sticks his head out, his hands are in oven mitts] Right: I'm goin' in! [They all laugh. Then he goes back in, making turkey noises inside and saying "Come back! Come back!" DEBS and CLARE are laughing.] ------------------------------------------------------------------- [In the Vic. It's still closed. GRANT's behind the bar when SHARON walks in from upstairs.] SHARON What happened to us, Grant?.. Sign these--it's over--all of it. Everything we ever talked about, dreamed about.. GRANT No. It was over when you slept with somebody else. [resentful, looming pause] This is just cleaning up afterwards. [is leaving] SHARON Still love you, you know. Grant? GRANT [has come to front of bar, plops beer down] What'd you expect from me, eh? SHARON I don't know. Time. A--a chance to explain, to talk about it-- GRANT I've done talking. I just want it finished with. [looming pause] I don't want you anymore. SHARON I won't believe that. I can't. GRANT [gets up] Grow up, Sharon. [puts his face right up to her] I don't love you. We're not gonna get back together again. An' there's no such thing as Father Christmas. Now sign the forms!! [leaves] ------------------------------------------------------------------- [The Jacksons' kitchen. CAROL and ALAN.] ALAN So what time they coming? CAROL About 12:30. Thought we'd get it about one; get it over with. ALAN So much for the quiet family Christmas, eh? CAROL Well; if Bianca an' Ricky are serious about each other, we'll have to do this sooner or later. ALAN Mmm. CAROL You gonna be all right? ALAN Well, spending Christmas dinner with your woman's ex-boyfriend ain't exactly what I planned. But I don't see as I've got much choice. CAROL But you will try, won't you? [sighs] Fantasy? ALAN [calm, bemused] I won't show you up, if that's what you mean. CAROL I know you won't. ALAN Just make sure he don't get a bigger dinner than me. ------------------------------------------------------------------- [The Vic kitchen--GRANT sitting staring at the gift Sharon left.] ------------------------------------------------------------------- [The Vic downstairs. SHARON with a wine glass, looking at the divorce papers.] ------------------------------------------------------------------- [At the Butchers', cozy in the living room by the tree, opening gifts. RICKY and JANINE are on the floor with the presents, DAVID and PAT are on the couch. PAT's wearing a black top with a black, long-sleeved, see-through shirt over that and she's wearing dangle earrings.] DAVID Oh Mum! That's smashing! Thanks very much. PAT Should be. The price of it. DAVID Well, they're worth it, though, i'n' they. PAT Yours as well, Ricky? RICKY Yeah! It's nice! PAT What did Bianca get ya? RICKY Oh, just s-some tapes an' that. PAT Gonna go by an' pick her up? RICKY No, she's goin' to see the little uns so I said I'd meet her over there. What time they expectin' us, Mum? PAT Uuuh--half twelve. Just make sure there's no arguments when we get in there, the pair of you--I don't want you showin' me up. DAVID You know me: Mister Placid. PAT Yeah, well, just make sure you are.. DAVID Well, we're not gonna be there that long, are we? PAT Only as long as we have to.. RICKY [objecting] We can't leave too early--at least make a go of it! PAT We will, love! I just think that, the less time we're there, the less chance there is of any argument. RICKY What do we have to argue? We're only going to Christmas dinner. PAT [sighs] Let's just hope you're right, shall we?.. ------------------------------------------------------------------- [The Vic. GRANT's still sitting in the kitchen. SHARON comes upstairs.] SHARON Aren't you gonna open it..? [pause, comes in, sits opposite him] Please talk to me, Grant. GRANT [sighs] Okay, darlin'. Anything for you. What would you like to talk about? SHARON Us. GRANT Uss. Well, who's gonna go first, eh? You. Or me. SHARON I don't mind. GRANT Well, let's talk about you, eh? Why did you sleep with my brother? SHARON [doesn't have an immediate answer] GRANT Oh, what? That one a little too difficult? [breathes in] Well let's try an easier one, eh? Why did you sleep with my brother? SHARON [pause] I.. GRANT You.. SHARON Hard to explain.. GRANT Yeah, of course; it must be. How about if I, ah, give you a list of possibilities an' you just pick one, eh? That be easier? It seemed like a good idea at the time. You couldn't resist his after shave. It was dark; you couldn't see who it was.. You're a slut. SHARON That is not true; stop sayin' that. GRANT Okay. An' what would you call yourself, eh? SHARON I made a mistake-- GRANT No, a mistake is giving someone--salt in your crisps when they asked for cheese--No'n' you're hardly the same, is it-- SHARON But you won't give me a chance to explain! GRANT Why should I give you a chance to do anything? SHARON I don't know! But.. Because you loved me once. Be--Because I'm still your wife. Because it's Christmas Day! Anything! Just try.. GRANT Oh, yeah, it's Christmas. The season of goodwill to all--sluts. [gets up] Well, let's get in the spirit of things, eh? [carries a pile of plates, mock singing] Jingle bells. Jingle bells. [slams a plate down to the floor, shattering it] Jingle all the way [slams another plate down]! Oh what fun [slam]! it is to ride on a one horse open sleigh [slam] -- SHARON Grant! Stop it! Please! GRANT [looming angry pause] Sign the forms. [puts plates on table and walks out over the mess] ------------------------------------------------------------------- [GITA opens her door--SANJAY's there with a stack of three presents. Soft Christmas music is inside.] GITA Hi. SANJAY All right.. GITA Well, don't just stand there--come in. She's through there. ------------------------------------------------------------------- [SANJAY enters living room, where little SHARAMILA is.] SANJAY Hello, baby! [kneels down, whispers] Daddy's gonna get you--here. [puts gifts down] {--gonna--come on} [kisses her] Mmmuh. SHARAMILA [during that] Mmammamma.. ------------------------------------------------------------------- [The Vic kitchen. SHARON clearing GRANT's mess. Phone rings. GRANT gets it.] GRANT [sigh, calm] Hello? Hello, Mum. No, no, we're just havin' a quiet one, you know. Oh, yeah, yeah, I think she's enjoyin' herself. You wanna talk to her? [snidely looks over at SHARON picking up plate pieces] No. Sorry mum--she's, uh, bastin' the turkey at the moment. Yeah, yeah--ring you later on. Hopin' to--later on this afternoon, eh? Just make sure, uh, Phil doesn't eat all the mince pies, eh? Yeah, all right, Mum. Of course I love you. Merry Christmas. [hangs up] [SHARON slams plate pieces down and leaves. He grins with satisfaction.] ------------------------------------------------------------------- [NELLIE and JULES have arrived at a '40s restaurant/nightclub. Fast, big band, swing music is playing.] JULES Here we are! NELLIE [surprised, hides her disappointment] You mean we're eatin' here?! JULES It's much more than you can eat--an' no washing up! NELLIE The "Darby and Joan" Christmas party? BLOSSOM [calling from a table--ETHEL's with her] Jules! Nellie! Come on Ethel. [BLOSSOM and ETHEL go over to them, BLOSSOM saying, "Excuse me," to someone on the way.] BLOSSOM You made it! Oh! We'd just about given you up! ETHEL Oh! Merry Christmas, Nellie! Here: I saved you a place, next to me. [They ALL head for the table. NELLIE's clearly uncomfortable/ disappointed.] NELLIE [to ETHEL] Thank you. ------------------------------------------------------------------- [In the Vic, downstairs in the pub area. GRANT comes down to find SHARON taking down ornaments.] GRANT An' what do you think you're doing.. SHARON What does it look like.. GRANT The pub's supposed to be open.. SHARON To hell with. GRANT Don't you think you're bein' a little bit childish?-- SHARON Christmas has been cancelled--lack of interest. [someone's knocking] GRANT There's punters outside. SHARON An' that's where they're stayin'.. [holding ornaments, walks to door and shouts to it] We're closed! [briskly walks to box, puts ornaments in] GRANT [follows] An' what do you think this is gonna prove, eh? SHARON Nothing! I just don't see why I should stand behind that bar, pretending to be happy when I'm not. [now is by shelf, taking down greeting cards] GRANT Oh, we're feelin' sorry for ourselves, are we?-- SHARON Oh, say what you like--I'm past arguing. GRANT Then sign the forms!-- SHARON When I'm ready! You won't do what I want, so why should I help you? GRANT Oh, an' what is it you want me to do, eh? SHARON To talk.. GRANT Change your record, Sharon. [close to her face, quiet] We got nothing to say to each other. [turns to leave] SHARON Fine. Then sign the flamin' forms yourself.. [GRANT sighs, heads for upstairs.] ------------------------------------------------------------------- [The Jacksons' living room. A big table's very nicely set. NAT, SONIA, BILLY, and ROBBIE are sitting at it. There's a tree in the corner. We can hear the BUTCHERS have just arrived and BIANCA is showing them in.] BIANCA All right? Merry Christmas. PAT [as they enter, pleasant, to anyone in general] Happy Christmas. [nods] Christmas. ALAN [comes in] All right. PAT Happy Christmas, Alan. RICKY Happy Christmas Alan. PAT Table looks nice. CAROL Uh, you three up; let them sit down, please. [BILLY, ROBBIE, and SONIA go to floor and couch] PAT Anything I can do, Carol? CAROL Nno, {thanks. It'll soon} be ready. [PAT and DAVID sit down.] ALAN [has slowly grown concerned/disgusted with the awkward situation] Do you like a drink or anything? PAT Oh! Yeah, that'd be nice. Yeah. DAVID Cheers, mate. That'd be nice. CAROL [handing ALAN a bottle] Oh. We'll have this, then, shall we? Mm? ALAN Yeah, yeah, yeah; I'll get some glasses. CAROL Yeah, I'll just, ah, check an' see if dinner's ready. BIANCA [hastily] Yeah, I'll give you a hand. PAT [calls after them] Don't worry about us, you carry on. [PAT, DAVID, RICKY, and NATALIE sit silently, awkwardly looking at each other as the kids silently, awkwardly sit and play.] ------------------------------------------------------------------- [At the Fowlers'. Pop Christmas music, chatty talk. ART's standing at the head of the (lengthened) table, PAULINE's in the kitchen. At the table, KATH, MARK, and RUTH are on the left side, CHELLE, IAN, and CINDY on the right. Everyone has party favours.] KATH {From the look of those--those are ten minutes' eatin'.} ART "No one does Christmas dinner like Pauline"--I've always said that. MARK Yeah, I bet the {slouts} are nice. Heh, heh, heh. CHELLE Creep. RUTH Well I got friends from Australia? You know, an' every Christmas, we go on the beach. We do the full works: turkey, trimmin', the lot. MARK That must be mad.. RUTH I went over there one year. Boxing Day: I mean, the heat, n-- undulatin'--unbearable. I done think the turkey's better off in the oven. ART [with others, is amused] Not a proper Christmas, now is it--not like we have. CHELLE No, of course it is! I mean, i' not what the weather's like, it's still Christmas. I mean, we think it snows every year--but it don't. ART It used to! CHELLE What? ART Snow every year. CHELLE Ah, of course it didn't. ART I'm tellin' you we had a white Christmas every year! That was before the owls an' the ozone layer an' that greenhouse thingy. MARK Oh, that's the--ah--technical term, is it Dad: "greenhouse thingy"? [laughter all around] ART You know what I mean. Anyway, it always used to snow. CHELLE [bored] Yeah, yeah, the summers were hot an' all.. ART Yes they were! CHELLE Oh, Dad, you just want to remember it like that.. ART No, na--na--na, ha, ha.. [he and others laugh] Here you are tryin'-- PAULINE [comes in with food] {Tryin' to shut off shish--} Thanks. ART [pause, turns to KATH to change subject] How's our Phil doing? KATH Oh, uh--he's okay. PAULINE You're not gonna see 'im today? KATH Wwell I might pop around there later--see how it goes. ART Mmm.. That's a nasty business.. PAULINE Yeah, well, don't let's go into all that again, I'm sure Kathy's sick of it. ART No, I'm only saying, I.. PAULINE [whispers] Yeah, well, don't. ART [to KATH] Look you don't mind, do you Kath? KATH No. No. ART [to PAULINE] Nn--there? PAULINE Yes. Well let's leave it at that, then, shall we? ART Well.. [heading for the other end of the table to his seat] IAN I wonder how Nellie's gettin' on? I wonder if she's got Jules under the mistletoe yet. Ha. ART God help her if she has! Ooo--I wouldn't wish that on anyone! Ha ha! [people chuckle] RUTH? [puzzled] Is it that? ART It's a joke. PAULINE Yeah, I think it was Very Nice of Jules to invite her. I hope they're havin' a whale of a time. ART [raises a toast] Well: Cheers! Happy Christmas! [Everyone echoes, "Happy Christmas" and toasts.] ------------------------------------------------------------------- [At the restaurant/club. NELLIE and ETHEL at table. NELLIE is tired and out of it. DR. LEGG is in the background at another table. No music.] ETHEL I never liked parsnips.. NELLIE What? ETHEL Well, they're givin' us parsnips! NELLIE Well, don't eat them. ETHEL You've got to eat your parsnips! I mean, Christmas isn't Christmas without parsnips, is it? Mummy always give us some. NELLIE I thought you didn't like them.. ETHEL Well, I mean, you've got to eat them. An' it wasn't like it is today--all these MacDougal's all over the place-- NELLIE Donald's. ETHEL Oh. Yes, well, a--are they another lot? W--In any case, they're all the same.. [a man is singing in background] Potatoes like matchsticks an' all of it disguised in a bun. ------------------------------------------------------------------- [The man singing is JULES. He's playing guitar and singing a mellow song and some PEOPLE are standing with him.] ------------------------------------------------------------------- [Back to NELLIE and ETHEL.] ETHEL Ohhh. Mmha--he's all right, isn't he? NELLIE Very nice. ETHEL Ooo--can pull my cracker any day. Ooooo! You just wait 'til I get me hands on the mistletoe! Oooo! He won't know what's hit 'im! [giggling] NELLIE You don't change, do you, Ethel? ETHEL Better than {bleedin' heart queues.} NELLIE What d'you mean? ETHEL Well, I mean, you've had a face like a bulldog's backside ever since you come in here! NELLIE Yes, well, perhaps it's the company. ETHEL Yes, well it might be.. I mean, I bet there's about thirty people in here. I doubt if all of them'll see another Christmas. [looking around] There's only one with an unsmiling face.. NELLIE Meanin' me, I suppose?.. ETHEL Welll!! Mm, ha--if the cap fits, wear it! [PEOPLE clap for JULES, done with his song.] ------------------------------------------------------------------- [The Vic. SHARON's still packing decorations. GRANT's back, behind the bar.] GRANT All you're doin' is cuttin' up your nose to spite your face.. SHARON I have spent two months listenin' to you callin' me names, treatin' me like I'm nothing, [GRANT's sighing] an' tryin' not to blame ya! Convincin' myself that it's not your fault, that it's mine! I've been askin' ya--beggin' ya--to talk about it but you won't--You just cut me off! Well, I've had enough. GRANT You made your bed. Don't blame me if you don't want to lie in it. [comes around from behind bar] SHARON Oh, I know what I did was wrong. But how long 'ave I got 'o pay for it? Another month? A year? The rest of my life!?! GRANT [right up to her face] Yeah. If that's what it takes. SHARON Well, I'm sorry, Grant, but I can't. I won't. GRANT Oh! So that's it, then, Sharon!?! Had enough now?! Don't wanna play anymore?! ------------------------------------------------------------------- [The Kapoors' kitchen. GITA's drying the table.] SANJAY Ya got any beers. GITA Yeah; help yourself. SANJAY [finds them in refrigerator] Heyy! Great. You buy these for me? GITA [friendly] You're not the only guest I have you know. SANJAY Oh, an' these just happen to be the ones I used to buy.. GITA Coincidence. [starts drying dishes] SANJAY Oh yeah--of course it is.. Hey d'you want me to do anything? GITA Like what? SANJAY Well, I can help you with the dryin' up if you want, I mean.. GITA [amused] You, ha ha! Help with the dryin' up?! SANJAY You'd be surprised what I can do these days, you know. GITA Really? SANJAY Yeah; cooking, cleaning. I do a great shepherd's pie. GITA Mmm! Maybe what you can buy in a box these days is good. SANJAY No! W--I actually make it! You get some mincemeat, you add some tomatoes, you got a big kettle-- GITA All right, all right! I take your word for it. I just never thought I'd see the day, that's all. SANJAY I'm full of surprises. GITA Is that so. SANJAY Yeah. Give me half a chance, an' I'll show you. GITA [looks up at him] Show me. [hands him the towel, and stifles a laugh at his reaction--he'd hoped for a romantic moment] ------------------------------------------------------------------- [SHARON and GRANT in kitchen.] SHARON I've just had enough. GRANT Then sign the divorce papers. SHARON I will when it suits me, when I've seen the solicitor-- [heads for the living room and he follows] GRANT Well, what's a solicitor gonna do for you, eh? SHARON Tell me what I'm entitled to, what my rights are! GRANT You haven't got any rights. SHARON We'll see. GRANT All, right, you fight me, take me to court. Everything they say you can have, I'll burn to the ground. SHARON Leave me alone. GRANT I'll own you! Everywhere you turn, I'll be lookin' at you! You won't have a life 'cause I won't let you have one-- SHARON Grant! Please! GRANT You'll have nothing! Just like I've got! SHARON For God's sake! Can't you see I can't take anymore!? [GRANT's gone silent and she's crying] Just leave me alone. GRANT [marches off] ------------------------------------------------------------------- [The Jacksons'. Everyone's at the table eating. Awkward and no talking, but not a disaster. DAVID, JANINE, and the kids have paper hats on. NAT gets up and goes to the kitchen, where RICKY and BIANCA are.] NAT [quietly wry] Great party! You wouldn't wanna miss it for the world! BIANCA Don't you start. NAT You can cut the atmosphere better than you could the turkey. BIANCA Well, I don't know what to do. NAT Well, spike the drinks or somethin'. Anything's better than this. BIANCA Oh, so then we'll all end up like you, I suppose? NAT Oh, well, what else is there to do apart from get drunk?-- BIANCA Oh, go on, Nat! NAT If I'd known it was going to be a flamin' wake, I wouldn't o' bothered. BIANCA Ha! Well, don't stay on our account. Why don't you go an' give "Derrick" a ring, eh? I'm sure he'd be pleased to hear from ya.. [leaves] RICKY What was that all about? NAT Nothing. RICKY Well, it sounded like she was havin' a dig. Uhhh, you an' Derrick split up or something, then. NAT No.. RICKY Well, what, then? NAT I told you, nothing. RICKY Oh, has he gone away or something? NAT Look! There is no Derrick, all right?! RICKY What?! NAT [difficult] I got sick of watchin' you two slobbering all over each other, so I made him up, okay? Bianca would have told you sooner or later anyway. I suppose you think I'm really stupid, now, di'n't ya? RICKY [still taken aback, puzzled] No. NAT Yes you do. Still: give you both something to have a good laugh about later, won't it? [leaves] ------------------------------------------------------------------- [Out in the living room. NAT comes in after the very start.] DAVID Thanks, Carol. That was, uh, that was very nice. CAROL I'm glad you enjoyed it. PAT Yeah. It was lovely. NAT [goes on couch by BIANCA and SONIA] For cryin' out loud. SONIA [to BIANCA] Ow! [Door bell rings. RICKY goes and gets it.] SONIA {Why'd you do that--flo} BIANCA Just shut it! CAROL [quiet, calm] Hoy! Pack it in, the pair of you. ------------------------------------------------------------------- [Voices in the hall: "Heyyyy!" "Merry Christmas!" It's the BATES. RICKY and they peer in the doorway.] DEBS, CLARE and NIGEL Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Hey! [popping noisemakers, then pause as they see there isn't much of a merry response] NIGEL What we doin'--having a minute's silence for the turkey?.. Ha. [EVERYONE only looks at him.] ------------------------------------------------------------------- [The restaurant/club. JULES and NELLIE are dancing. There's swing music again--quieter this time.] JULES Would you still have come if you'd known where you were going? NELLIE Probably not. [chuckles] JULES That's why I--I didn't tell you; I thought you might even be angry. NELLIE I can't blame you. I'm startin' to realize sometimes I'm me own worst enemy. JULES Well, let's say you're, um, a little, set in your ways. NELLIE Hm! Well you're more polite than Ethel! I'll give you that! JULES Ethel? NELLIE Oh! It doesn't matter! JULES You know, the only thing that matters is that you're enjoying yourself. NELLIE It's the best Christmas I've had in years! [chuckles] JULES Good. ------------------------------------------------------------------- [The Vic kitchen. SHARON sitting with a hard drink. She's dressed nice. (Nice maroon dress, earrings are maroon in gold.) GRANT walks in.] SHARON [wryly] Merry Christmas. GRANT [smirks] Oh, you look very attractive.. SHARON Get stuffed. I don't know what I look like now. You'll never find anyone better than me. GRANT You reckon. SHARON I know. GRANT I lift up any stone, I find three of you. SHARON You wish. You don't know what you want, do you? GRANT I don't want you. SHARON You made that perfectly clear. GRANT So why don't you sign the divorce papers? SHARON I don' know. Look, I know what I did was wrong-- GRANT Wrong!?-- SHARON All right! It was the biggest mistake in the history of the world-- at least let me finish. Do you think I'd o' put up with this if I wasn't sorry? If I didn't feel guilty? If I didn't know what I'd done to you? Well, whatever I've done, I don't deserve this! You've never thought why, have you? Why I did it. You've never thought that a part of it, no matter how small, might be down to you-- GRANT Heh, oh, so it's my fault now, is it? SHARON No. But you think I'd a done something like that if we'd been happy!? If I'd been happy? Think about it! [some of this is hitting home with GRANT] Think about how you were treatin' me. How I used to dread you comin' home drunk in case you picked a fight. You weren't a husband, a lover. You weren't even a friend.. Even when you weren't drunk, you'd fly off the handle for no reason, I was terrified of you. You treated me like dirt an' you wonder why I turned to someone else! GRANT Yeah, but that someone else was my brother. SHARON It doesn't matter who it was!! What matters is that I felt the need to do it in the first place! Okay, what I did was wrong; I said that. But you were the cause an' you made it happen! [pauses, quiet] I can still make it all right, you know. It doesn't have to be too late. ------------------------------------------------------------------- [The Kapoors' living room. SANJAY's sitting on the floor, leaning on the couch. GITA comes in. There's romantic music on the radio.] GITA I think she's worn herself out. [sits] SANJAY Well, yeah: I know the feelin'! GITA She really enjoyed you being here today. [slides down to sit on floor, too] SANJAY Yeah. GITA Me too. ------------------------------------------------------------------- [The Vic kitchen. GRANT's still standing. SHARON's still sitting.] GRANT [quiet] You ruined anything we had. SHARON I know. An' there's nothing I wouldn't do to get it back. All you've gotta do is say the word. GRANT You've no idea what it feels like, have you? You ever have anybody, ram their fist down your throat, an' pull out your insides. SHARON [gets up and goes to him] Oh, I know you're hurtin', darlin'. I can make it better if you'll let me. I can always make it better. [kisses him gently] [After about a gentle second, GRANT violently shoves her away and stands staying in the same place and in control.] GRANT [shouting] That how it was with Phil, eh?! Is that how you came on to him!? SHARON No! GRANT Look at you! Just like your mother! Drunk an' begging for it--he told me that's how it was-- SHARON What?! GRANT Phil! He told me how you came on to him, how you threw yourself at him! SHARON [really shocked] He said that?! GRANT [outraged] He told me everything--how you tried it on, how he tried to stop you, an' you were all over 'im! SHARON [righteous objection] That's not true! GRANT He doesn't lie to me anymore; I know everything! He even said, if it hadn't a been 'im, it'd be somebody else! SHARON No! GRANT You make me sick. [calmly walks away] ------------------------------------------------------------------- [At the Jacksons'. The table's been moved away. Everyone's on and by the couch excitedly watching DEBS play charades. They're shouting out guesses.] BIANCA A new {mermaid}! RICKY Oh, no! "Something" called "something," yeah?! NIGEL {It all means to, ah} uh, the "Loch Ness Monster in New York." [laughter] PAT You're really something, you know that?! Yeah! NIGEL "Desperately Seeking Salmon." DEBS No! RICKY "Fish Called 'Wanda'"! [EVERYONE says "Oh!" Haha!" "Oh!" Cheers and clapping.] ------------------------------------------------------------------- [Close-up of a woman's hands packing a suitcase. View widens. It's SHARON.] ------------------------------------------------------------------- [The gardens. A brass band with singers are playing and singing traditional Christmas music. The BEALES and FOWLERS spill out of the house and go in the gardens to watch. Then the JACKSONS and BUTCHERS come out, too. Nice.] ------------------------------------------------------------------- [SHARON carrying her bag, goes to kitchen, opens cash box and takes all of the cash--a good fistful.] ------------------------------------------------------------------- [Back outside to the gardens. As the band and chorus play "Silent Night," the camera shows NIGEL in his Santa cap singing. Then RICKY, BIANCA, and NATALIE. Then ART, PAULINE, MICHELLE, and MARTIN. Then IAN and CINDY. Then MARK and RUTH. Then PAT, ALAN, CAROL, BIANCA, and DAVID. Most of them are singing along.] ------------------------------------------------------------------- [SHARON in the Vic with her suitcase, goes downstairs, past the undecorated Christmas tree. She slowly looks around. She looks at the Queen Victoria bust. She unlocks the door, looks back before leaving. Sad. Momentous. She leaves.] ------------------------------------------------------------------- [GRANT is upstairs, at the living room window. He watches SHARON enter the cab that's waiting for her. The view pans over to the people, band, and chorus in the gardens as the cab drives around the square.] ------------------------------------------------------------------- [Grant leaves the living room, looks in the bedroom. Then he looks in the kitchen, and he goes in. He looks at the papers. They're signed and dated: Dec 25, 1994. He has a tear on his cheek. (The clock on the wall: 3:25).] -boom- -boom- -boom-boom- ------------------------------------------------------------------- [show's time: 27:00] [Credit Roll with theme music. Long version of exit theme: Save music (1mb mp3).] [time: 00:30; total with intro and credits: 27:57] ------------------------------------------------------------------- Return to the Television_Transcript_Project Last Updated: 1 March 1998 This fan page is for curiosity and fun and is not intended to infringe on any copyright nor to encourage such. setstats 1