Home

       [=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=]
       [<<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>]
       [=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=]
       
       Stardate: 20220703.1507 
       Location: SBUX
       Input Device: Gemini PDA
       Audio: Mortiis - Crypt of the Wizard
       Visual: Table @ SBUX, Trenta Iced Coffee
       Emotional: Energized, +3 coffee booster  
       
       [=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=]
       
       Went up to SBUX to get out of the house even though nobody is home.
       If I stayed there, I probably would not have given myself time to
       write.  So I set a timer for 60 minutes before I can leave.
       
       Now that I've done that, I can't think of much to write about, so if
       this becomes garbage, you have been warned.
       
       Right now, I feel so out of touch with everything that has been
       going on in the world, in the communities I frequent, with my
       friends, with my family.  This has been probably over the past month
       or so.  There is a built-in safety mechanism that gets tripped when
       I become unwell and have exceeded my limitations to cope.  I put
       myself in the dark, shields up, red alert!  I know it is a safe
       place, but I do not like to go there.  It has been years since I had
       to go there and it feels wretched being there, but I know it is safe.
       
       Being there, life happens, the world moves on, but processing is 
       suspended.  I am totally checked out, in survival mode, and it is not 
       safe to process.  Events are noted for post-incident analysis. 
       
       Recently, I have started to come out of the dark.  Re-entry is a 
       b!tch and the wreckage is there to be dealt with.  This instance was
       shorter but different in its own way, probably because the me of now 
       is not the me of 5 years ago.  This is a cyclical thing that happens
       every 5 to 7 years and I have gone through it enough times to see the 
       dark, accept it, and even to welcome it.  With each iteration, there
       are things revealed, feelings to walk through, and opportunities to 
       level up.  The ghosts are there but I know that they are false and 
       are handled appropriately.  This round, there was nothing to do except
       to acknowledge and experience them.  Processing is pending.
       
       What I don't like about going in the dark are the misunderstandings.
       Explaining myself is futile.  It's like trying to describe the color
       green to a blind person.  Also, life is still in session, work needs
       to be attended, children need to be fed, adulting needs to happen, 
       service needs to be worked, etc. I do have my people to discuss the 
       color green.
       
       I have surpassed my time allocation.
       
       [=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=]